fun.

i need to binge so bad 

corn chex

home made chex mix

3 cookies

chicken burrito bowl

smoothie 

too much

dear anyone who tells me i look soooo good now that i lost some weight

do i look soooo good when i throw a tantrum - a full blown slamming things around and breaking glasses and crying in the fetal position on the kitchen floor tantrum - because my sister gave her son the two fruit salads i bought yesterday

is that cute

should i do that more often as long as i’m losing weight

fuck you

me

my aunt is putting my 11 year old cousin on a restrictive diet for punishment because she ate and hid the wrappers of those cliff bar things in her room and it took all i had to not yell at her while we were out to dinner. 

you do not use food and diets as punishment for your 11 year old daughter, especially if her sister is celiac and lactose intolerant and skinny as a fucking rail. there is so much stacked against her already - being the odd ball out in that family when she is the most normal of all of you. i don’t know if you remember how hard middle school was, but it’s gotten harder. there’s no way she’ll be able to survive if you keep painting normal kid food (i know, it has high fructose corn syrup in it. i know, it has saturated fat in it.) in such a shitty shitty light. and, jesus, she is athletic. she won 4 races in 4 days at the age of 9 for gods sake, she’ll be fine if she eats a cliff bar every other day even if it does have chocolate in it.

i have too many friends who had (have) crazy health nut mothers and who subsequently developed eating disorders. i am not saying that their mom is the reason for the eating disorder, but none of their mothers helped the situation at all. and when shitty things happen to her, and they will because that’s how the world is, that stuff will get inside of her head and she will remember all those times you put her in your “30 day sugar detox” and something in her head will break and that will seem like the answer to everything, because that’s how it worked with my friends. and that’s how it worked with me. 

but no, i’m not a mother so i wouldn’t understand. i would never understand what it’s like to not be allowed to eat food because my mother didn’t allow it, but i know what it feels like to starve myself as punishment and i know what it feels like to eat $86 worth of food i barely like as punishment and i would never wish that on my worst enemy, let alone my little cousin who will have it tough as it is in middle school without you breathing down her neck about all the food she’s eating.

the fact that she wanted french fries as a side tonight as ruby tuesdays, but she got garlic mashed potatoes instead because she still feels guilty for eating those cliff bars (a week ago) makes me so sad.

she doesn’t even like mashed potatoes.

do you see what you’re doing?

everyone who has seen me today has commented on my apparent weight loss

i haven’t lost weight. i checked today. i’m still the same as i was before i went to college.

it’d be cool if people didn’t fucking mock me

am i allowed to kill myself or is that kind of rude when your nephew wakes you up every morning just to give you a hug before he leaves and he’d probably be the one to find you

when i eat the left size of my face gets tiny bumps on it and it gets really itchy for like 45 minutes

maybe i really am allergic to food

every time i try to eat something my throat gets really itchy and i sneeze a lot

oh no i’m allergic to food

my sister keeps asking me if i want to eat this or that or these or those

no i dont want to eat any of that i just want to eat burger king all the time drive me there and i’ll be happy

what diet

comments on my weight and anything on my body or how something looks on my body only drive my eating disorder so i’d really like it if people just didn’t.